In the interest of full disclosure (and also because I was highly disturbed to be referred to as a fitness guru earlier today — thanks Tony! 😉 ), I thought I would give you a breakdown of what I’ve actually done this week in comparison to what I said I was planning to do in earlier posts.
In an ideal world — where unicorns fart rainbows, 1 in 4 truly do win something at the McDonald’s Monopoly game, and I can see my abs — every day this week I would have leapt from my silken, thousand thread count sheets at promptly 6:59 a.m., grabbed my running gear out of a closet professionally designed by the Clean House crew and waved to neighbors/kissed babies as I pound out one after another sub-10-minute miles before work.
I would then proceed to eat a healthy, homemade breakfast and traipse off to the office to build the next Webby Award-winning site, delicious leftovers from the weekend’s batch cooking extravaganza in tow for lunch and snacks.
After work, I’d bust out a yoga class thanks to my awesome unlimited yoga membership, then I’d come home and finally get my dancer to level 85 in Final Fantasy XI while simultaneously finishing up a magian weapon or two, saving my boyfriend from the drudgery of power leveling my guy and delighting him with his girlfriend’s mighty gaming prowess.
I’d be in bed by 10 p.m. sharp, where I would have sweet dreams of winning the Nobel prize for literature before being swept up by a pod of dolphins swimming into the starlit sky.
The Sad Reality
The truth, while not quite as dismal as portrayed above, was significantly less stellar.
The good news is that I did actually go to a few yoga classes and do a few short runs. I’ve been taking advantage of Yoga Loka‘s community classes, which only have an $8 drop-in fee.
However, prior to writing this post I was sitting here eating french fries and a chocolate shake (sorry, Jake, but I swear that no fries got dipped!) while reading articles on CoolRunning.
We’re out of cereal, so I had a SlimFast shake for breakfast, which is so incredibly processed that not only is the box I bought months ago still considered edible, it also makes your pee smell like wet sawdust.
Last Sunday, I meal planned and batch cooked… nothing. I’ve had grand plans of doing curry and pizza and roast vegetables and all sorts of things for two weeks now, but I haven’t cooked a thing since spaghetti day. And since we ran out of spaghetti leftovers after a week, I’ve been noshing fast food (In-N-Out, Taco Bell) or surreptitiously stealing chunks of bread and cheese from the shared office kitchen like a squirrel at a picnic.
I’ve also been going to bed way too late due to compulsively browsing the iPhone app store, checking Fark and updating my Mint.com accounts, which has made it nearly impossible to get up early enough to work out.
In fact, I only showered every other day last week. Don’t worry, I still brushed my teeth.
Why Are You Telling Us All These Awful Things?!
First of all, I really wanted to make a unicorn collage in Photoshop. 🙂 But I’m also kind of doing it because I write about what’s interesting, not what I actually do. What I actually do is incredibly boring and occasionally depressing. I also like writing about what I intend to do. I’m still working on following through on all those intentions, though. If you know me in real life, then you’re well acquainted with my pastry-like flakiness* and myriad of social phobias (such as chatting on the phone, where I’m completely awkward, even with close friends and family members).
*If only I was also creme filled.
Another reason I feel like I should say something, and say it now, is because Hollaback Health is going full steam ahead on the Blogging Bad bandwagon, encouraging health bloggers to exorcise their blogging demons and be healed! While on a lot of levels I appreciate the dialogue, I also resent it, pretty much the same way I resented getting, say, polio shots as a kid. Not having polio is sweet, but I hate drama almost as much as I hate needles.
So, Internet, by the power of Full Disclosure, I heal my blog of the evils of one-sided representation! You may now visit my site without the fear of feeling inferior, because every time I talk about breakfast you’re going to think of how SlimFast makes my pee smell like sawdust and be totally grossed out.
Thanks for reading!