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Blogging it Real

In the interest of full disclosure (and also because I was highly disturbed to be referred to as a fitness guru earlier today — thanks Tony! 😉 ), I thought I would give you a breakdown of what I’ve actually done this week in comparison to what I said I was planning to do in earlier posts.

The Plan

Magical

In an ideal world — where unicorns fart rainbows, 1 in 4 truly do win something at the McDonald’s Monopoly game, and I can see my abs — every day this week I would have leapt from my silken, thousand thread count sheets at promptly 6:59 a.m., grabbed my running gear out of a closet professionally designed by the Clean House crew and waved to neighbors/kissed babies as I pound out one after another sub-10-minute miles before work.

I would then proceed to eat a healthy, homemade breakfast and traipse off to the office to build the next Webby Award-winning site, delicious leftovers from the weekend’s batch cooking extravaganza in tow for lunch and snacks.

After work, I’d bust out a yoga class thanks to my awesome unlimited yoga membership, then I’d come home and finally get my dancer to level 85 in Final Fantasy XI while simultaneously finishing up a magian weapon or two, saving my boyfriend from the drudgery of power leveling my guy and delighting him with his girlfriend’s mighty gaming prowess.

I’d be in bed by 10 p.m. sharp, where I would have sweet dreams of winning the Nobel prize for literature before being swept up by a pod of dolphins swimming into the starlit sky.

The Sad Reality

So sad.

The truth, while not quite as dismal as portrayed above, was significantly less stellar.

The good news is that I did actually go to a few yoga classes and do a few short runs. I’ve been taking advantage of Yoga Loka‘s community classes, which only have an $8 drop-in fee.

However, prior to writing this post I was sitting here eating french fries and a chocolate shake (sorry, Jake, but I swear that no fries got dipped!) while reading articles on CoolRunning.

We’re out of cereal, so I had a SlimFast shake for breakfast, which is so incredibly processed that not only is the box I bought months ago still considered edible, it also makes your pee smell like wet sawdust.

Last Sunday, I meal planned and batch cooked… nothing. I’ve had grand plans of doing curry and pizza and roast vegetables and all sorts of things for two weeks now, but I haven’t cooked a thing since spaghetti day. And since we ran out of spaghetti leftovers after a week, I’ve been noshing fast food (In-N-Out, Taco Bell) or surreptitiously stealing chunks of bread and cheese from the shared office kitchen like a squirrel at a picnic.

I’ve also been going to bed way too late due to compulsively browsing the iPhone app store, checking Fark and updating my Mint.com accounts, which has made it nearly impossible to get up early enough to work out.

In fact, I only showered every other day last week. Don’t worry, I still brushed my teeth.

Why Are You Telling Us All These Awful Things?!

First of all, I really wanted to make a unicorn collage in Photoshop. 🙂 But I’m also kind of doing it because I write about what’s interesting, not what I actually do. What I actually do is incredibly boring and occasionally depressing. I also like writing about what I intend to do. I’m still working on following through on all those intentions, though. If you know me in real life, then you’re well acquainted with my pastry-like flakiness* and myriad of social phobias (such as chatting on the phone, where I’m completely awkward, even with close friends and family members).

*If only I was also creme filled.

Another reason I feel like I should say something, and say it now, is because Hollaback Health is going full steam ahead on the Blogging Bad bandwagon, encouraging health bloggers to exorcise their blogging demons and be healed! While on a lot of levels I appreciate the dialogue, I also resent it, pretty much the same way I resented getting, say, polio shots as a kid. Not having polio is sweet, but I hate drama almost as much as I hate needles.

So, Internet, by the power of Full Disclosure, I heal my blog of the evils of one-sided representation! You may now visit my site without the fear of feeling inferior, because every time I talk about breakfast you’re going to think of how SlimFast makes my pee smell like sawdust and be totally grossed out.

Thanks for reading!

7 thoughts on “Blogging it Real

  1. Hahahaha. Right on. Preach it, sistah!

    I make many a grand plans, but most of the time, they go up in a poof of nachos and rerun episodes of Teen Mom.

    People have to understand, we don’t blog about having already achieved goals…we blog about our struggles to achieve them. Eventually. One day. When nothing is good on tv. And they close down all of the really tasty greasy restaurants in our vicinities. 😉

  2. Ah, aspirations vs real life…. it ain’t pretty. I AM creme-filled and would like to not be– all the fat is on my belly — and Kenzi thought I was pregnant the last time I saw her(which, at 47 and arthritic, would not be a good idea)…. the past two days I’ve done nothing really useful… I stood up and washed dishes and when my leg started to tingle from being swollen, I sat down on the couch, put my feet up and watched re-runs of NCIS until my hubby came home and made me dinner.

    Today, I will do 10min of PT and this evening I will drag my husband on a short walk in the hood. It’s stopped raining, so there’s no danger. (The more we live in SoCal, the more we take after our cats — indulging in naps, avoiding areas where there water falling from above, and fighting over our space on the couch…)

    1. Dragging your significant other out for a walk is a fantastic idea. The bf and I were on a roll a while back with evening walks — we should reinstate it! It’s not only good for you, it’s a nice way to get away from the computer or TV and catch up, one on one.

  3. Um, yes. This is my dilema…and something I’m working about engaging in more full disclosure about…I have great intentions of getting up early, getting in a run, doing yoga on my lunch break, using free time at work to get ish done and reading (like books, with paper pages that you use your hand to turn) when I get home. Fat chance. I’ve been trying to be more mindful that I am making decisions about all this that leave me feeling disgruntled and dissatisfied and in recognizing that I am making those decisions, just choosing to decide differently. Or not, sometimes it makes more sense to sleep that extra 40 min.

    1. Part of my problem is that I let non-decisions take away from my actual decisions — like I don’t necessarily intend to spent 3 hours reading blogs, but I do, and it eats into my sleep. I am learning that, right now, I simply can’t function on too little sleep. So then “early morning workout” turns into “extra 40 minutes of sleep,” which is a necessary decision based on my non-decision the night before to let something inane dig into my sleep time. Does that even make sense?! But you’re right, mindfulness about how everything you do affects the rest of your plans is a great focus.

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